Shop till you drop

We’re familiar with labour strikes, and FDR introduced the idea of a capital strike.  What we have now is, in large part, a consumer strike.

Retailers have tried negotiating with consumers to offer better terms, but the strike is persisting, and threatening the economy and hence national security.  So now it is time for harsher measures.  I am calling on the governors to call out the National Guard to force consumers back to the shops.  There they will be given an opportunity to make non-essential purchases of their choice, but if they do not take it, specially trained units using advanced collaborative filtering techniques will be authorised to make the purchases for them.  After a few weeks of this, resistance should be broken and we can return to the economic paradise we knew and loved.

Remember, economic liberty is too important to be left to individual choice.

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One Response to “Shop till you drop”

  1. Jake Says:

    Well it’s about time! My roommates and I were wondering whether we were the only ones trying to defend this great nation by enlarging our wardrobes and fortifying our kitchen appliance stockpiles.

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